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Note:
The following letter was found left behind at a local drinking establishment;
the authors' identity is unknown. It is passed along without comment.
"That
whenever any form of government becomes destructive of [life, liberty, and
the pursuit of happiness], it is the right of the people to alter or abolish
it…" ~ Declaration of Independence of
the American Colonies, 1776
Dear
Federal Government,
Drop
dead.
Excuse
us. Some may consider such bluntness to be indecorous, but why beat around
the bush? In any case, we've been around this bush (Bush?) too many times to
count already. It's time to let you know what we really think of you, what we
say behind your back, what we whisper to each other when you leave the room.
We
hate you. We want you to drop dead. Or, anyway, to go away and never come
back. You are not welcome anymore. We have tolerated you – and we
emphasize "tolerated" – for a long time, long after whatever
romance there may have been was gone. We can pretend no more. You are
disgraceful, boorish, nauseating, corrupt, shameful, arrogant, dishonest, self-serving,
parasitic, disgusting, hypocritical, and rotten to the core. You have not
even one redeeming quality. There is nothing you offer that we want any
longer. We're not even sure what it is we ever saw in you to begin with.
We
suppose you can be forgiven if this letter comes as a shock. "Why,"
you say, "what do you mean? I still command great respect and inspire
widespread adulation. And I still care about you. Isn't it obvious?"
It's
true that, in public, we often nod our heads and agree with you, even defer
or appear to defer to you. But we assure you that this happens not out of
respect; rather, it arises merely from the fact that you have a lot of guns
and a bad temper. Inside, we are seething and resentful. Inside, we imagine
your demise in the most vivid and gratifying of ways. We may fear your
irrational and violent behavior, but we manifestly do not respect or agree
with you. We don't love you. We don't even like you. (See the part about
hate, above.)
At any
rate, our revulsion toward you has finally come to outweigh any fear we have
of you. We refuse to keep our real feelings in for even one more second. We
want you gone from our lives. And we mean completely. Vamoose. Go. Die.
Please
understand we aren't here to argue. No special new subsidy, tax break, or
privileged "loophole" is going to sway our opinion or make us
change our minds about this. We've been there, done that, for too many
decades to count now. Likewise, your threats are starting to make us yawn and
even laugh. You see, we know all your tricks now. We can see through your
lies because we've heard them all so many times before. We are fully aware of
your true nature, and we see that that nature is radioactive evil, wrapped in
a tattered blanket of ignorance, foolishness, and stupidity.
Look,
we know it's only a matter of time anyway. Your dimwittedness, greed,
fraudulence, and moral bankruptcy are finally starting to catch up to you.
Even your former employees admit as much. Do you remember Paul Craig Roberts,
one of your past Treasury officials? Today he says of your latest economy-wrecking and
warmongering efforts:
"The
world has never seen such total mindlessness. Napoleon's and Hitler's marches
into Russia were rational acts compared to the mindless idiocy of the United
States government."
Mindless
idiocy: We could not have said it better ourselves. Wait, yes, we could have,
because we would have also mentioned your meanness and malevolence.
Our
state governments are starting to feel the same way about you that we do.
Many are openly refusing
to obey your so-called "REAL ID" attempt at
creating a national "your papers, please" regime of Hitlerian
proportions. Some are even starting to make noises about the Tenth Amendment,
which reiterates that you aren't allowed to just do anything you feel like
doing. (We are not big fans of our state governments either, but at least
they don't start wars, counterfeit our money, and prop up tyrannies across
the globe.)
You
see? Look in the mirror for once. The emperor not only hasn't got any
clothes, he's a quadruple amputee demanding that everyone admire his muscular
physique. We don't know whether to laugh at or feel pity for such a pathetic
creature.
In
conclusion and just so we're clear: We're done. Pack up and get out. Better
yet, don't pack – all that stuff belongs to us in the first place. Just
get out. And when you finally, mercifully, do kick the bucket, please make
sure it is in some place far away from us, where we won't have to smell the
stench of your hideous, rotting corpse.
Signed,
Every
Normal Human Being in America and the Rest of the World
David
Bardallis
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