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A Few Great Puns

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Peter McKenzie-Brown
Language Instinct
Published : September 20th, 2014
350 words - Reading time : 0 - 1 minutes
( 2 votes, 5/5 )
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  1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out  to be an optical Aleutian.
  3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
  5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
  6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
  7.  A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
  8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
  9. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  10. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
  11. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  12. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
  13. A backward poet writes in verse.
  14.  In a democracy it’s your vote that counts.  In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
  15. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine .
  16. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’
  17. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says ‘Dam!’
  18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
  19. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’
  20. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
  21. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. 
Data and Statistics for these countries : France | All
Gold and Silver Prices for these countries : France | All
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Peter McKenzie Brown is the vice president of a resource company. He has written several volumes of history, and has worked in the corporate and academic worlds. He is British by birth, American by upbringing and Canadian by choice. Disclaimer : Although the writer is a director and officer of Stratabound, the thoughts and views herein are his only and not those of Stratabound. He is not registered in any jurisdiction as a broker or investment adviser, so nothing herein should be construed as advice on whether to buy, sell or hold shares of Stratabound or any other company mentioned herein.
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