1.
My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done.
"If
you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2.
My mother taught me religion.
"You
better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3.
My father taught me about time travel.
"If
you don't straighten up, I'm going to knockyou into the middle of next
week!"
4.
My father taught me logic.
"
Because I said so, that's why."
5.
My mother taught me more logic.
"If
you fall out of that swing and break your neck,you're not going to the
store with me."
6.
My mother taught me foresight.
"Make
sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7.
My father taught me irony.
"Keep
crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8.
My mother taught me about the science of osmosis.
"Shut
your mouth and eat your supper."
9.
My mother taught me about contortionism.
"Just
you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10.
My mother taught me about stamina.
"You'll
sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11.
My mother taught me about weather.
"This
room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12.
My mother taught me about hypocrisy.
"If
I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"
13.
My father taught me the circle of life.
"I
brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."
14.
My mother taught me about behaviour modification.
"Stop
acting like your father!"
15.
My mother taught me about envy.
"There
are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have
wonderful parents like you do."
16.
My mother taught me about anticipation.
"Just
wait until we get home."
17.
My mother taught me about receiving.
"You
are going to get it from your father when you get home!"
18.
My mother taught me medical science.
"If
you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19.
My mother taught me ESP.
"Put
your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20.
My father taught me humour.
"When
that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21.
My mother taught me how to become an adult.
"If
you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22.
My mother taught me genetics.
"You're
just like your father."
23.
My mother taught me about my roots.
"Shut
that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24.
My mother taught me wisdom.
"When
you get to be my age, you'll understand.
25.
My father taught me about justice.
"One
day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
