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Discovery of Governmentium, the heaviest known element
From the Archives
Originally published December 09th, 2008
295 words - Reading time : 0 - 1 minutes
( 14 votes, 4.7/5 ) Print article
 
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 GREAT JOKE, SAD TO BE SO TRUE

 

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

 

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

 

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

 

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

 

The above is not my original creation, the rest is my addendum. If the above does not make you laugh as much as cry inside, you aint human. The missing portion of the substance known as corruptium, which leads to radiated energy into channels almost entirely into the power source, once damaged heavily by exposure to light, but now covered by czar tissue.

 

 

Jim Willie CB

 

  

 

 

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