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The mystery is at last revealed: why does the field of candidates for
president score so uniformly low in trust, credibility, likability? Why are
there no candidates of real substance, principle, and especially of real
charm in this scrim of political basilisks? (Surely there are many people of
substance and principle elsewhere in America — they just don’t dare seek the
job at the symbolic tippy-top of this clusterfuck of faltering rackets.) The
reason is that the problems are unfixable, at least not within the acceptable
terms of the zeitgeist, namely: the secret wish to keep all the rackets going
at all costs.
This is true, by the way, of all parties concerned from the 0.001 percent
billionaire grifter class to the deluded sophomores crying for “safe spaces”
in their womb-like “student life centers” to the sports-and-porn addled
suburban multitudes stuck with impossible mortgage, car, and college loan
debts (and, suddenly, no paying job) to the deluded Black Lives Matter mobs
who have failed to notice that black lives matter least to the black people
slaughtering each other over sneakers and personal slights. None of these
groups really want to change anything. They actually wish to preserve their
prerogatives.
The interests of the 0.001 percent are obvious: maintain those streams of
unearned, rentier, notional wealth as long as possible and convert
them as fast as possible into hard assets (Caribbean islands, Cézanne
landscapes, gold bars) that will theoretically insulate them from the wrath
of history when the center no longer holds. The poor (and ever-poorer)
formerly middle class suburban debt serfs, for all their travails, can’t
imagine living any other way or putting less of their dwindling capital into
the Happy Motoring matrix. The Maoist Social Justice Warrior students are
enjoying the surprising power and thrills of coercion, especially as directed
against their simpering professors and cringing college presidents anxious to
sustain the illusion that something like learning takes place in the money laundering
operations of higher ed. The Black Lives Matter crowd just wants to be
excused from their failure to follow standards of decent behavior and to keep
mau-mauing the other ethnic groups of America for material and political
tribute.
It must be obvious that the next occupant of the White House will preside
over the implosion of all these arrangements since, in the immortal words of
economist Herb Stein, if something can’t go on forever, it will stop.
So the only individuals left seeking the position are 1) An inarticulate
reality TV buffoon; 2) a war-happy evangelical maniac; 3) a narcissistic
monster of entitlement whose “turn” it is to hold the country’s highest
office; and 4) a valiant but quixotic self-proclaimed socialist altacocker
who might have walked off the set of Welcome Back Kotter, 40th
Reunion Special. These are the ones left standing halfway to the
conventions. Nobody else in his, her, it, xe, or they right mind wants to be
handed this schwag-bag of doom.
On Saturday, the unstoppable Democratic shoo-in Hillary lost her 7th
straight contest to the only theoretically electable Vermont Don Quixote,
Bernie Sanders. This was a week after it was reported in The Huff-Po
that her campaign crew literally bought-and-paid for the entire 50-state smorgasbord
of super-delegates who will supposedly compensate for Hillary’s inability to
otherwise win votes the old-fashioned way, by ballots cast. Wonder why that
didn’t make nary a ripple in the media afterward? Because this is the land
where anything goes and nothing matters, and that’s really all you need to
know about how things work in the USA these days.
The Republican mandarins are apparently delirious over loose cannon Donald
Trump’s flagging poll numbers in the remaining primary states. Should Trump fall
on his face, do you think they’ll just hand Ted Cruz the Ronald Reagan
Crown-and-Scepter set. (They’d rather lock Ted in the back of a Chevy cargo
van with five Mexican narcos and a chain saw.) The GOP establishment insiders
are already lighting cigars in preparation for the biggest smoke-filled room
in US political history, Cleveland, July 20. But what poor shmo will they
have to drag to the podium to get this odious thing done? Who wants to be the
guy in the Oval Office when Janet Yellen comes in some muggy DC morning and
says, “Uh, sir (ma’am)… that sucker you heard was gonna go down…? Well, uh,
it just did.”
As for the Dems: they are about to anoint the most unpopular candidate of
our lifetimes. The BLM mobs have promised to deliver mayhem to the streets of
the party conventions and don’t think they will spare Hillary in Philary, no
matter how many chitlins she scarfed down last month in Carolina. The action
in Philly will unleash and reveal all the deadly power of President Obama’s
NSA goon squads when the militarized police put down the riots, and Hillary
will be tagged guilty by association.
And that is how Kim Kardashian gets elected president.
