The difference between truth and fiction : fiction has to make sense

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

It is easier to stay out than get out.

Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.

A mine is a hole in the ground with a liar on top

If you only tell the truth, you don't have to remember what you told people

A gold mine is a hole in the ground with a liar at top and a fool at the bottom

There is thick evidence that truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal

If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed. If you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed…

Lack of money is the root of all evil

It ain't what you don't know that gets you in trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.

Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority it is time to pause and reflect

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself.

No man's property is safe while Congress is in session

It is better to keep your mouth shut and let people believe you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect

Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend

There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate : when he cannot afford it and when he can

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so Mark Twain

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it. Mark Twain

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin. Mark Twain

We've got so much taxation. I don't know of a single foreign product that enters this country untaxed except the answer to prayer. Mark Twain

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin Mark Twain

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it Mark Twain

Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect Mark Twain

There was but one solitary thing about the past worth remembering, and that was the fact that it is past and can't be restored Mark Twain

I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened Mark Twain