(Image:
source)
Look what I've
found -- straight from the horse's mouth:
"Global Recession Finally Over Let the Good Times Roll"
NEW YORK - USA
- The global recession is finally over and millions of people around the
world are celebrating the end of the largest recession in the world's
history.
There were mass
street celebrations all over the world including cities like Sidney, Vienna, Phnom Penh and even in London.
Millions of
people took to the streets to celebrate the end of the recession.
Banks were happy too, and were giving away unsecured loans to anyone without
so much as a form being filled in.
"I walked
into a branch of Midland bank and they sat me down on a chair and gave me a
loan for £10,000 at a dirty low interest rate and a 130% mortgage. They
just said, you can pay it back whenever you want," Larry Jagger, 25, from Hartlepool,
England, told the BBC.
Global stock
markets jumped up 46% on Tuesday as the news headlines streamed the glorious
announcement.
Not only have the banks opened up again, so have the car manufacturers who
are doing buy one get one free deals. Both Ford and
GM are giving away brand new SUV's if you buy a mid size
luxury car.
Supermarkets were giving away free food to people in the streets and Apple
stores were literally shedding ipods in malls all
across the Western world.
Credit card
companies all over the world immediately started promoting 0% APR credit
cards.
Consumers all
over the world rejoiced: "We're out of the recession. I feel like a
black cloud has been lifted from the land and I can breathe again. I can
spend, spend, spend, again without the old fear
creeping around the corner for awhile. I think I
just had a multiple cash orgasm all over the shopping mall," Dana Kurvinski, 23, from Daytona Beach, Florida told CBS.
Of course, the
story's not true, but since so many mainstream media outlets feel its only fitting to provide us
with feel-good fantasies about the economy dressed up as news, I figured I
might as well quote what seems to be the direct source for many of their
reports: The
Daily Squib.
In reality,
Americans of all stripes are either struggling through a
recession-cum-depression that shows no signs of abating, or as in the case of
those (luckier) individuals polled in a recent survey, detailed below in "Global Business Leaders Prepare Strategy for Another Recession,
According to Harvard Business Review,"
they are hunkering down for the next big round of ugly economic reality.
Seven out of 10
business leaders globally are braced for second world-wide recession, a
survey from Harvard Business Review shows.
Harvard
Business Review decided to take the pulse of global business leaders, since
it's their perspectives - their expressions of confidence - that most help
determine economic performance. Pessimism at that level translates into
corporate decisions to cut spending, hold off on hiring, and defer new
investments.
Among the 1,379
respondents, 70% said a global economic recession is either somewhat or very
likely in the coming months. They're particularly down on Europe's prospects.
Nearly nine out of 10 expect growth will be less than 2%.
Michael J. Panzner
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